The Ties That Bind (9/24/08)

Many of life's momentary creations must be let go of before we can create...or, re-create, that which serves us. The process of letting go can often be a slow and difficult one, due to our reluctance to see how those things that we had once created with so much confidence and assurance may have been appropriate at that time, but no longer part of who we have become in the interceding time.

Today I am reminded that I called a 'friend' yesterday, without connecting for long enough to have the discussion that I was going to have. The previous evening, laying in bed, late at night/early that morning, I had been having 'conversations' with a couple people, including this friend, concerning a shared topic of following through with verbalized desires. I was 'mad' at them for not acting on these spoken desires. Follow-through was incomplete on both parts. Today, I received voicemail to say that he doesn't know when he'll be available...read: don't call me, I'll call you. Don't know yet if I'll try to respond to him...more likely, I'll just let it drop, as I've done before. I'm being asked to step back from any and all relationships that no longer serve my current development.

The act of getting mad was an indication that I was out-of-balance in both of these situations; I was mad at myself, but externalizing this, put the 'blame' on that 'other' who had 'wronged' me. As is often the case when egos (pain bodies) are reacting to each other, as I had been in both of these relationships, the creation of it was lopsided; I was giving more than I was getting. Although the taker is initially grateful for all this outpouring of offerings, eventually the imbalance becomes so pronounced as to weigh down both sides with guilt or even resentment. This can only result in the eventual dissolution of the relationship; or, at best, a new, different form of relationship would need to be established.

I have been gifted with getting/seeing the results of other people's decisions, those that parallel my own, usually from a friend or close acquaintance. Previously, I had noticed this, in passing, but did not see it as the gift it was intended to be. We are here, in the physical, to make these connections, which we all too often interpret as 'coincidences.' Since there are no coincidences and everything happens for a reason, it is part of our personal growth and growing awareness of how we affect, and are affected by, our environment. Take particular note when someone negates a statement; for instance, "I'm not ignoring you", probably means the person is ignoring you, but either doesn't want to hurt your feelings or is confused by their own motivations for staying in contact.

By tying ourselves to another person, we are creating an uncomfortable binding that one or both will come to resent. A tie that is not mutually agreed upon...on a continual basis...is not healthy and will likely be broken by one or both parties involved. In a marriage that becomes one-sided, the partner who 'wants out'...even if not voiced or acted upon...will find ways of making the other person want to leave, or at least sorry that they choose to stay. In live-in situations, whether romantic or economic, the person who is least encumbered by the arrangement is the most likely to become resentful of the other(s), creating a potentially hostile environment on one of multiple levels (physical, emotional, financial, etc.). Since home is the 'last bastion' of stress relief, if other areas of life (work, school, etc.) are or become appreciably more stressful, the pressure to resolve the situation will escalate according to the overall mental, emotional and/or spiritual resiliency of all parties involved.

Unfortunately, there are enough myths being promulgated within our present society about 'keeping the peace' at home, which is to say, making nice, not bringing up issues, that the potential of explosive relief also increases. Depending on the 'weakest leak' in these individuals' lives, the pressure may be relieved in sometimes unexpected ways. Perhaps one person will storm out of the home and find a temporary 'safe harbor'. Perhaps a heated discussion will take place with the affected parties, sometimes this spills over into other areas of life, leading those others to wonder what caused this scene. In a worse-case scenario, physical damage or personal injury may ensue, possibly using inappropriate deadly force.

These are the resolutions forced by the 3D reality as it squeezes into or bumps against the 5D reality, when one or all of the parties involved have either not addressed the work that needed to be done or refused to acknowledge that it was even necessary. Our 'job', as it were, is to work out these issues in the most productive and least contentious ways possible for each individual. For myself, I am striving to find my own neutral ground...neither positive or negative thoughts can provide the answer when letting go, only by truly allowing the 'other' to flow out of my life, can I heal.